Fix you

Sometimes in life, you need t realise that more often than not, you gotta do what's right. For yourself.

I thought i could go with th flow and detach emotions from reality. What happened? Well, i think i managed t. In fact i did it far too well. That most of th days i feel exanimated. Writing used t be my shield, my sanctuary. But right now, everything i type feels constricted. And im sick of that because im not letting th only thing that gets me t emote, become a restriction. We all know bottling our feelings could lead t smth even worse.

Friends after lovers? Many doubt th possibility. I always believed it can happen. But right now, im torn between th confusion of whether i don't believe it no more or that only when both parties agree, only then can it occur. I love th fact of being best friends with my ex boyfriend. However, it really isn't possible in certain aspects. We're not gonna be able t talk about everything comfortably. I also hate it when my ex tries t control what i do, how i live my life. And sometimes when th oth party tells a harmless story, you figure that he/she is trying t make you jealous. Its far too complicated.

However i guess when you've been through enough t let th person go, staying friends becomes easier. But what if your ex hasn't let go? That just becomes far too confusing because he says he still loves you, yet he's under no obligation t do whatever he wants. That i do not have a problem, because when you set a person free from your emotions, you always welcome them t a world of being able t do whatever they want t and be happy for them.

Emoting love right now would be th last thing i could ever do, because im just not ready. Besides my family and friends, relationships just goes against everything i am and whatever i do right now. We all need time t recover, time t realise who i am, time t grow as a person, time t concentrate on my life and noone else's, time t enjoy my youth. If i have yet t realise what life is or even just half of it, there's no possibilty i'd be able t successfully make someone else a part of my life because that's just confusing.

I don't care how many girls you date after me, because that's life. We learn t move on. But what's wasted is when you spend a period of life with someone, and when we're over, everything else is over too. If being blunt is what it is, then i apologize. Because nothing is easy when it comes t love. But i don't forsee us being together again. I don't forsee myself being with anyone for quite awhile. I can't force myself.