Spin Your Lies

Been wanting t write since i woke up 3 hours ago. However it felt like homework whenever i got t it, because that would mean i'd have t process my thoughts. But then i realise that i always write best when i never had an introduction, neatly followed by a climax and an ending. It only works when i let it flow instinctively.

I've come t terms with everything that's revolving around my axis. And as much as i wish i could say things have changed since th new year, i can't. Because that'll just be lying t myself, really. Things are different, definitely. But not changed since th last time i remember. When you put yourself through something that hurts you eventhough you've got a fork road, yknow that you've had enough of what's been happening and you need t take flight. It may seem hard t comprehend, even for me. And im really not pushing people away from my life, im pushing people who're making it hard for me away.

I despise people telling me what i should do with my life. For one, if you're of dissimilar calibre in comparison t me, stfu bc you're in no position t tell me what i should or shouldn't do. And especially not when you dk what i've gone through. Saying you're there for me is one thing. Physically being there when i need someone, is a whole other fucking thing. You don't know why some things you do affect me more than it should, you don't know what goes through my mind, you don't know th minute details i actually observe. And it's because you don't care t. And partially, i really can't blame you. Because you're just not at that level, you can't see it differently. You can't see that when i stay away, it's cause i want you t be there on your own. It doesn't work that way. You just can't see it. Education has got nothing t do with your authority t 'guide me'. I've been through way too much, more than you even t be able t guide myself. We all fall down sometimes, we all make fucking marks in our life, be it good or bad. But that's not th point. It's th strength i have, from what i've done that'll get me through. And you, for all person has got no countenance t doubt that element of my life. EQ is always better than IQ. But what's th point right? At th end, you're still not going t see it this way. But honestly, it really doesn't matter t me about how you see it anymore. Because its practically over. Me writing about it, does not show that i want you t see all this perspectively in hopes. I just write, because that's what i do.

It's sad. T watch everything fade away from you when you're in total control of it. I may not know what exactly i want in life just yet, but i definitely know who t let in on it. Relationship isn't what i want right now, apparently you don't know th meaning of friendship after a relationship either.

You don't say things t hurt me when yknow i was trying t pick myself up. And think i'd do whatever just cause im single. Why? Because you think i lack your guidance? Well maybe somebody needs t watch that ego level hey. It's because that's who you think i am. You don't know me. But since that's your perception of me, maybe its true. Maybe i should stray towards where your mentality of me headed t. It doesn't matter no more. ou've got nothing on me, and neither do i. I couldn't do it at th start, and yes that was when you weren't in my life anymore. Hence proving its not your guidance i need, its just who i am. Im an ardent believer of th fact that 'Everything Happens For A Reason'. There was definitely a reason why we started talking again. I realised. Alot. Maybe i should start living in your perception. Because that's life right. We only live once. And now that you're out of mine, i have no obligations. I don't even have that spark of emotion that i might hurt you. Because as much as yo didn't care befr, i don't now either.

Im nobody special t you. Because if i am, it'll come naturally. But it doesn't. And no, i never asked you t force it. But i never asked you t lie about it either. That's people. Its human nature, we all say things we don't mean some time or another. But when it involves emotions that could break someone apart, you have a choice t stop it. But you didn't. You said you cared but you didn't. My view isn't bias at all, its based on actions.

All that's over. Yknow what you did, or not. But it doesn't matter no more. Because really, Thank You. I've always come t terms that people come into your life for a reason, and not many of them last. You're one of them. Honestly, i envisioned us at least being friends for a really long time. Because that energy between us was special, at least i thought so. When you love someone, you'd give everything for. Not just th expression, literally all for. You give them your heart, and yknow that you are their armour. But when karma turns right around and bite you and everything you stand for turns around you, you become th main source of pain. And that's you. Correction, well that's th world. I don't blame you. We could've. But it didn't. That's a metaphor, a figure of speech. Because could've didn't, there's no could've. It just didn't.

Im doing this, just like why you did it befr. Im gonna stop messing with your head, im gonna stop you worrying about me. Im gonna stop your train of thought that if anything were t happen t me, you'd regret knowing that you could've did smth. Maybe some day we'd cross paths, maybe all this would seem surreal. Maybe this isn't even real, maybe its a dream i haven't woken up from and if i do it'll be back t th start and we'll be fighting all over again. And i can do whatever i want t because it isn't even real, because there's no ensuant. Envision living in this world for awhile, lying down on th fields, wind blowing your hair, stoned at th clouds knowing you've got a clear mind and nothing t worry about. Yeah, maybe that's what's really going on.

Nothing's real.