Warped

Warped

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Girl With Golden Eyes

I thought of whether I should write, or perhaps take a breather just for tonight. I guess the latter never appealed to me, so here I am. I had tonight all planned out, as it is every other night. But I don't think I can anymore, these pills are deteriorating my system and I feel it intensify each time I wake up to face a brand new day. I hate this week so much, I just want it to end. But who am I kidding to think maybe next week might be better. I want to feel alive, I want to know what happiness feels like again for I can hardly remember. Nothing more than a faint memory lies within me. I can't help but think that all the odds are pointing to favor the fact that I have to face this on my own. I always knew the proximities of time would catch up with me someday, and now reality is crashing hard upon me. I just didn't think that the people I love the most would be taken away temporarily from me, all at once, and all together with my strength if I may add. What then do I have left to run on? I don't get it. There must be a reason for everything to pen out the way it has. There has to be a reason to have to go through so much shit and still fight on even when I have nothing left inside of me. If there exists no reason then it would be sensible to give up. But I can't, I still believe in a reason for everything. I don't have much left within me anymore. If it is true that our eyes are the windows to our souls and the lamps of our bodies', then my eyes must portray a dark destitute barren fuckin wasteland. I just want my friend back, even though it's clear I love her more than she loves me.


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