Time Warp

I don't know why I haven't been writing, and it's affecting me. I can't do this poetic shit, I just want to write from my heart. But nothing seems to come out. Here I am - drowsy from meds, having a smoke. And it's starting to get to me, this abusive relationship I possess. I cling to what solves now. My chest is starting to tighten, and I wonder why I do this to myself. Why do I hurt myself this much, this can't be good. A solution from medications can't last forever, and if it does. I might not be here for long. I don't get it, but it seems to be the only thing that puts me to sleep. I can't seem to get an eyeful otherwise. The sun is rising, I hear the birds, the engines of a school bus. I hear the start of what should be a beautiful day. But it isn't, at least not to me. I'm stuck, trapped within the walls of my mind, consuming me everyday while the world goes by. While people go on with their days, goals to set, dreams to accomplish. And here I am, in a time warp. Wishing I could go back to a year ago, or maybe to when it all went wrong. But that too, seems to confuse me. I just want to escape this place, my mind, my thoughts and emotions, reality. One last time. Maybe after that I wouldn't be here, reality wouldn't be what it seems perhaps. But until then, I am here. At the world's disposition in my hands, but trapped within the crevices of this cell. Consumed by all this chemicals.