Lazy post

30 minutes past 25 December, but Merry Christmas anyhow! My Christmas wasn't too bad, but for th sole fact of my family. Bc oth ppl just made it shitty. I've got so much t write about, i don't even know where t start. Im not even gonna bother paragraphing hahah. Its amazing how people who claim t know you so well, really have no clue about you at all. Its even more amazing how people would say all kinds of shit t make you feel better, t make you trust them and what not. How they advice you and act like they own your life, and how they comfort you when you're hurt. So what i don't understand is, why th fuck do people act like they care that you're hurting, but end up hurting or trying t hurt you? How much more fuckin ironic can that get? Why waste your time acting nice and saying shit t cheer you up but throw it all under th bus by their words, or even worse, lies. Idk if this is called hypocritical t an extent, but it sure doesn't make sense t me. Honestly, i don't really care about what you have t confess t me about what you've done. Because 'ex' implies smth that 'was once', but not anymore. You're under no obligations whatsoever or feel guilty that you've done something, or dated someone else. I've spent th last few months infecting my heart and mind with this at concept. And i've gotten used t it, i've managed t accept th fact that people move on, and that you're not mine anymore so whatever happens, its totally fine by me. That's how its supposed t be, right? But here, its a whole different story. When you say smth, be it a lie or not, with th very sole, down t th core purpose of hurting someone, that's not right. That will never be right, regardless of who that someone is. But of course, you don't have t feel bad for it, its just another minor speed bump that doesn't make me wanna slit my wrists or whatever. What's affecting me, is who you really are. Yknow im trying t cope, yet t intentionally say smth t make it worse. On a side note, you may know everything that's going on in my life. You may not when everything's fucked. But no way will you ever, ever be able t use that against me. I may do th stupidest things, but i know nothing you say or do can make me feel worse. And im not even going t th part of what you think of me and my possible actions. Because i honestly don't give a fuck about what you think i do just cause im single. Yeah, i gotta give you credit for some things you do, esp a few days back. Im not saying you're doing that with fake intentions, unless you're really too fucking free t do that which is part of a huge plan you're plotting against me or smth. But i doubt, and th reason why im probably still here is because part of me believes you really care. And that maybe what you said was a defence mechanism t yourself. And you really mean no harm. But like you said recently about th way i was acting, 'there's a certain limit t what someone can take, of anything'. And im at that point now. Besides th fact that im not gonna let myself get hurt by anybody, im not gonna let myself get hurt by someone i don't have a commitment t. Im on th level in life where if you're gonna make my life hard, intentionally or not, im just gonna ask you t fuck off. And if it means asking everybody t fuck off, i'll be on my own. I need t sort my own shit out and i can't be crying over someone. Th only reason i ever should be crying for, is cause i made myself cry.