Tears Don't Fall

3:16am. Tears down my cheeks, watering my soul.  Im not sad, i don't know why. Im not sure why im in this state. Its alright t cry, but is it alright t cry without a reason? So nice it'll be, t cry on your shoulders. But that's where it all comes down t. What am i do t w all these thoughts, all this emotions manifesting every ounce of my soul when dusk comes along. 'In th end, everyone ends up alone' Is that really true? Honestly, i don't think so. I haven't got a specific topic i'd like t cover tonight, nothing within th nooks and crannies of my mind. My mum's on my mind tonight. My family. Th boy i love. That's about it. So i guess its safe t say, th people who mean th most t me. I don't know if what im holding on t is slipping away. Im scared. Half way through a cold, lonely night. I wanna be happy. I am happy, so fuckin' grateful for everything in my possession. Appreciative of everyone around. So why do i feel this way? Why am i crying? For once, just once, i would like t have an answer. But its not close t my calibre of thoughts as of this very moment. I hate this part. I hate breaking down at intervals. While im writing, while im listening t music. I hate feeling so vulnerable, down t my fuckin' core. No anesthetic remaining, none in my bloodstream. Its cold and raw, my blood. Pumped by th very organ that represents love in all senses. Sucked in every vein, sending signals t my brain. You're so sober, sans drugs yet th vision is altered in every way possible. Nights that never seem t end, th moon fighting for longevity in th sky. But when th sun finally rises, its heat dries up your tears. But that's all it does. Because when you look up t th sky, you see nothing but th blue sky as a barrier. A cage separating you from another world. A world you're not supposed t know about. But even that's changing. Because as soon as you focus on what's eating you, you start t see claws breaking apart that cage, tearing down that very barrier just t reach  you. But a part of you accepts it, coaxed by warmth th sun brings as it shines upon your face. You're attracted by all th silhouettes, th birds chirping, a bright sunny day indeed. And i can't deny that that imagination keeps me safe and warm deep down. And maybe that's all you need eventhough it doesn't shield your knowledge of how every day will end - long lonely nights you can't avoid. But that's alright, because noone sees you then. Noone sees you at your worst. People only pay attention in th day, but that's good enough. Im in a state of melancholy. Yupp, that's it. But that's also all. I don't know anything else. I believe its always ok t cry, wherever you are. Whenever. But tonight, i feel a sense of guilt. What if my mother saw me in this state? She didn't bring me up t turn out this way, that im very sure of. I cry on a guilt trip, knowing my mum would never wanna see me this way. And i feel bad for that. For th fact that th only thing keeping her away from me is a door. A door i shut everyday just t be in my sanctuary, not letting her in on anything. But she wouldn't understand, and i can't displace my tears of sadness w ones of joy. I haven't got a purpose t. No  conclusions whatsoever, im stranded here. But its alright. Th sun will rise, and everything will be okay. I'll find my strength again.