Runaway w my heart

How could things get from being so fuckin' close t perfect t having th worst night ever? And days t come for that matter. I've said this a million times, but its back t feeling so fuckin' susceptible t th world. Where im so afraid when night comes. Not from monsters under my bed, no not anymore ever since i grew up. Th monsters in my head. Torn between who i am right now and who im gonna morph into. I feel so vulnerable towards my own thoughts, that i can only shield myself w words and analogies. One's that don't mean a thing at times yet i still beg t differ only t save myself. An open wound you have a chance t heal if you're strong enough but you just can't help adding salt t it. When every song relates t your current state and every phrase sung makes you cry. I hate th night but as soon as i get by half of it, i don't want a brand new day. You're so beautiful t me. I always wanted t heal all th ruins inside of you, but i guess i added on t it. Keep telling yourself that you can't ever let go, and you won't be able t. That's how th mind works, i realise. At least in my world it does. Im not done, nowhere near th brink. I'd fight for you w everything i've got. On a one-way street, going against would end in me crashing. I don't know how im going t tell myself t loosen my grip. But its not always about what i want. Getting on w life is far-fetched, but hurting from a distance isn't. You were never fine w being together w someone who could walk away on you crying. I don't know how i was ever fine being together w someone who could walk away from my life everytime things got bad. I was never fine w seeing that so clearly, but sometimes we just get th fuck up and move forward because its never just about you. I've learnt so much, i managed t change in th shortest period of time. Put away all th differences, th clash of emotions. I learnt that happiness was said t be a state of mind. Its suppose t last. I learnt from you. I learnt that perhaps it may just be an emotion like all others. I learnt from myself. I took all your words into account, i remember everything. Good times, always. Without a doubt. Even up till now, for there's never a remedy for memory. One day at a time, i tell myself every single fuckin' day.