With Eyes Wide Shut

Today is th first day im looking forward t th night. I feel my mind taking control over every part of me. Losing myself, t myself. Th worst part? I don't even feel like making myself feel better, or trying t counter this emotion. I thrive in sorrow, indeed. Perhaps that's where i belong. I lived for 3 purposes. 2 are gone. Im hanging on t th only one i have left. But my mind isn't strong enough t use that as a shield towards self-destruction. I feel so lost in this world, even in my world. Im trying t instill th fact that everything's a dream in my mind. I have a feeling it'll make me a lunatic, but i wanna be able t smile and do whatever, just because its all but a dream. There aren't consequences in dreams. I wanna sit on th edge of a high-rise building and fear nothing because when you die in your dream, you don't die for real. You still live. Maybe that's what death is about. Th only time you really live is when you die. Im doing a fuckin' ace job at believing my unconscious state right now. That i could be somewhere, somehow lying down asleep and everything i do as who i am right now is just a figment of imagination in that self who is asleep. Maybe i am my soul, for they say th soul wanders when you're asleep. I am my wandering soul. And i can't help but continue wandering indefinitely. Look at it this way. Im not killing myself, im just merely inflicting agony on myself until i die.