'Eventhough I'm on my own, I know I'm not alone cause I know there's someone somewhere praying that I make it home.' But aren't we all alone, inside our heads? A chasm between th internal self and th external world. No one really manages t navigate th labyrinth of your mind, not even yourself. It's languishing t hear that some people inherit a perception whereby no other would actually bother even trying t navigate that mazed mind of theirs. Amongst a population exceeding 7 billion, there has t be someone, somewhere.
But people move on when they have t, eventually. For th world waits for no one. I used t possess a mentality of which I needed a voice t remind me. I made my own decisions, I always did my heart justice, but I was also always dependent. But somehow, you get lost and left behind. Listen t your heart, and never compromise it's desire. We owe ourselves that much. I confided in too much around me, that when realization came knocking, I was drowning in a well, way down below accompanied by darkness and silence. Silence not from silence, but th silence from myself. I still saw th light, th gleam above, one I'd hope would save me. But all I could see was th world passing by. Th light, it was just light reflecting upon th ripples of th water I was struggling t thread. People pursuing dreams and everything, but below th Earth's surface, I was pursuing nothing more than my thoughts. But I tried t adapt, and adapt I merely but surely did. I began staying afloat, that when th world could see me, I didn't look as if I required a savior. Fitted into th perfect time zone, I did. But far from that, indeed. You see, I would be patient if I had all th time. Lucky me, this year fed me realizations t survive another day.
Good or bad, I couldn't be more grateful for every lesson learnt. And th bad ones, they teach you so much more. I realized who cared, and who didn't. Everyone knew me, but no one knew who I was. But who's t blame, when I barely knew myself then. By limiting my versatility in th only industry I knew everything of, I learnt th world isn't an easy place t make money, t make a living. Some work so hard, just t sustain th basic necessities of life. But I always had it easier. I learnt what love feels like. Not th ones in teenage heartbreaks, but everything in relation t what goes on in a marriage, what goes on between my parents. So much about myself I never gave myself th chance t realize in all th time I wasted, strung up on th high life indeed. But before I draw th curtains t yet another year in completion, I learnt how dependent I was, how submissive because I was so used t giving in t my emotions that many things became secondary. I learnt that waking up everyday t such a cold world, isn't an option if you choose t live. And for all that I've yet t achieve, living becomes a remedy. A new year isn't exactly new, when you carry all th load from yesterday. Today will soon cultivate a new year and everything before would be nothing more than a memory worth all th reminiscence t come. Time heals all open wounds they say, but never quite takes th pain away. But my time w yesteryears has thus far been concluded.
Th future belongs t those still willing t get their hands dirty, those who see th beauty in their dreams. For a start, I need t be th only one allowed t plan my future. Th things I can control at least. So unpredictable, uncertain and unwritten. People can't write them for you, no matter what they say. And as soon as you invest your being in dabbling riddles you were so convinced by, they crush you and I think, nothing much is ever really written in th stars. Nobody can assure you anything, when th only constant is change. And right now, th only assurance I have is God and myself. T do what I set out t, w nothing less than faith by my side. I can't open up anymore, for as soon as vulnerability parts from my core, it loses its only protection my soul had all t offer. Why would I allow for someone, anyone t write my future, one I could fall so easily in love w, while all I did was place my own little fragments somewhere in that timeline. Th myriad times I let emotions cheat my feelings. And here I am, realizing how much time I let pass me by, lacking all th drive I needed t dream on my own because I had my future all figured out by someone else, or so I thought. But it's not too late, all th moments I spent stressing on how much I'm growing up, yet I failed t realize how much more I really have in store for myself.
So when tomorrow comes, I will put all this behind me. No regrets, but I will seize all th time I have ahead. And never again would I abandon my dreams, for a moment in time far more appealing, but a moment that was never t come at all. Because people won't do that for me, and it isn't their fault. All th fault lies within me, for limiting my priorities. But I will pick myself up w a lesson learnt and a resolution I ought t stay true t - I will get out of this country on my own t fulfill my heart's desire.
So cheers t a new year. And goodbye 2012, you've been a tough yet very enlightening one.
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