Save me

How can I not live in th past when it's all that made me? 11 in th morning today, that is past. But I still live there. How do I move on when there's never a closure? I made a deal t write from my heart always, but I can't find my heart tonight. It's not part of my soul, neither is it w you. It's somewhere in th midst of th air we breathe in darkness, where I live. I wish for this night time t last for a lifetime, for when th sun come up all trace of my heart disappears. But for that I am stuck here. Where do I go if not th past, what do I replay if not th memories. I'll never be able t leave this place in my mind. T be in darkness is t have been in light at first, but there's no light t guide me home tonight. No hand t pull me out of deep, darkness. When it is dark, so dark, I can look up t th sky and see th stars. But th stars are my reminder that tonight in th dark there's nothing I can reach out t. Letters pressed against stained lips, once stained by yours. But your taste lingers, your touch as fresh as th feel over an open wound, your fingertips as electric t send shivers down my spine.

I want t write so fuckin badly but I can't find th words, I can't find it in me t write something sensible. I feel it in my blood, I feel it in every ache my body feels, I feel th emptiness where my heart used t be. I don't fuckin miss how this feels. But it doesn't matter does it, it doesn't matter t fuckin anybody else because it doesn't concern their fuckin feelings. But it will be oh so fuckin wrong when it does. So what do I do, I fuckin sit here and feel what I have t. I fuckin sit in th darkness and drown myself w my feelings, or embrace my fuckin wonderful thoughts. While someone else is out there doing whatever t make themselves feel better. But I can't fuckin do that, because I never see a motherfuckin closure. And if there's no closure then what I do now will affect someone else's feelings when we do realize it is incomplete and we can't leave it as it is because it is fuckin impossible. And I was wrong, I was wrong that I can't find th words in me, I just can't find th words t make a decent post but I can find every fuckin thing in me t describe how I feel. And my words keep this going and I can't stop, I don't want t stop because as soon as I lift my finger off this keyboard I will have t find something else t shield me from all th fuckin thoughts in my head. And there's no fuckin thing that could take me away. But writing all this can take me away, it can take me away from staring into th darkness and not having anything in sight. I wish all I could do is just sit and write continuously th way I am doing because I don't want t have t deal w anything else I just want t be engulfed by words and I can't run out, I can't run out of words. I think I can't because writing always takes me away but eventually I will run out and what do I turn t, who do I turn t. This post is shit and I wish it contained all th emotions I could feel while I pen this out. And I was never complete w th first part I wrote, I had so much t say, so much more t write. But everything I feel this instant is so overwhelming that I can't calm myself down enough t be able t carry on w it. Fuck this, I will embrace th darkness tonight.