Neither Abstinence Nor Excess Ever Renders Men Happy

I found my way back to this page yet again. Nothing really takes the hurt away other than yourself. Not work, not play, certainly not medications, not people either. The rule of thumb I've learnt about life this year is the fact that you will have to dig right down your core, face all the pain within you and mend it to heal yourself. No form of distraction is going to take away the hurt permanently. But mend it, how? 

I've heard the most intelligent people in history - the writers, the philosophers, were often very much depressed. And why? Because they saw too much of everything. They dug down to every minute detail of every possible situation and analysed it again and again, never ones to let much slip away before intense scrutiny. When you see too much of what this world we live in is all about, more often than not it is a case of curse triumphing blessing. It is a case of insanity. Neither abstinence nor excess ever renders men happy. 

If there exists a language of life, it would have to be English. Because the English language hardly makes sense, it is a language of contradiction and of confusion. Yet we speak it, understand each other with it and understandingly misunderstand simultaneously. But what a beautiful language it is nonetheless. Pretty much holds such similarity to life, ain't it.

However my purpose tonight isn't drafting a composition on the English language, in fact I don't have a purpose. And if I had one, my purpose would be finding out the purpose of life. But I'll leave that for another time, for I barely know the meaning of life let alone understanding it's purpose. But on that note, I'm pretty sure purpose is subjective. Understanding it is really just based on perception.

Inner peace is having every secondary aspect taken away from you yet still being able to be one with your being. Because peace is fundamental and cannot be taken away from us by any circumstance. 

I figured I got off this roller coaster awhile back, it was meant to be left behind. Nobody ought to speak of it, leave it all in the past and pretend it never happened. But my distraction got taken away, and my peace was nowhere to be found. I found myself right back on this roller coaster ride. Not in the midst though, I feel this ride starting from the beginning. At the point where this very mechanism I'm on has started to garner sufficient kinetic energy to kick start this ride, where everything is partially calm but no longer stationery. Basically, the point where we all start to ask ourselves, 'what the fuck did I get myself into?'

Isn't it hypocritical that us humans judge so vehemently? For after all, humans are to vices as bread is to butter. But fuck judgements, I hold more interest towards vices. I've realized that everyone has their own demons who come out to play at 3 in the morning. The majority of us fall back on something, anything that takes the pain away for just another day. People get high to get away from the low - to suppress hurt and all the pain and feel sufficient enough to face the world. But what if I said that that was not the only reason? For i have arrived at such an eye-opener, I found a reasoning far beyond the conforming reason. My mind had been sharp for far too long, I started seeing more of everything than I ever needed to. 

Sometimes, people get high not to get away. These people see too much of everything that they realize there is no getting away, there exist no path for us to run away. We don't want to run away, we just want to blur the lines. Clarity? Fuck that, our perceptions are too lucid. We need a sense of stupor to get by in this world. We need our minds to be more hazy and obscure to understand why the fuck people are so retarded sometimes. That's not to say we aren't fucked up though. Fucked up is all we are, a different class of fucked up though. Does that make sense? Well I doubt I have to - when you don't make sense to others, they just say they don't get you anyway.