Dead

I think there comes a point where we all get used to waking up to a brand new day with the same old feelings, waking up to a world so cold, waking up and having to regain consciousness of all our burdens and carrying it with us wherever we go and whatever we do for the rest of the day. I've come to realize that we are all broken in one way or another, every one of us. Different scales and magnitudes, different coping mechanisms, different vices to make reality seem a little more forgiving. But ultimately, we all never uncoded the cryptic message. The one that would supposedly tell us what we should do in order to wake up someday without experiencing the pain left within us. And I don't think we ever will.

Some days I wake up feeling lighter, most days I wake up feeling like I just got revived from the dead. 

I've been on this post for the longest time, probably a week now. I don't know why I can't write anymore, maybe it's just too much of the same shit. I hate this feeling, such a sickening one. I don't know who's there for me anymore, or who is gonna hurt me the day after. I wish I could be fine with being alone, but even that is wearing me thin. I don't know how to describe the way I feel, I feel this uneasiness deep inside and I'm not sure why. Maybe reality is too much for me to handle. It's so hard to be happy about anything anymore. And it's so hard when I have to figure out the answer as to why people make it so difficult, especially the ones who know what's going on. It seems the only thing the world is trying to do is push me to my limits. And I've been strong for the longest time now, but I can't anymore. Strength isn't keeping me going, I'm just a slave to a routine lifestyle and that's about it. Not much I can rely on, nobody too for that matter. I guess it's true that they say, 'we're all alone when we die' and it feels like I'm already dead.